Bow Down, Little People!!

You’re in the presence of Royalty with a capital R.

I have awful, awful teeth. I hate the dentist and never go. When most people have a cavity they don’t even know. They go to the dentist for a check up and he says “Hey, I’m going to have to charge you a fortune to fix something you can’t see and didn’t even know was there, okay?” When I have a cavity, I notice. I notice because I go to the dentist so seldom, they get big enough for me to notice. I don’t go until it starts to hurt. Someone once told me that means the decay has gotten down as far as the nerve, which made me ashamed of myself but there it is, the naked truth: I have horrible teeth.

Anyway, I’ve gotten better in the last year and a half. Mainly because my boyfriend comes from a country where everyone smiles like Barbie from the age of 7 (big.white.toomanytocount). So I went and it was bad. He pulled three of my teeth. Three. Two of them were right beside each other. Thank god none of them were in places that you can see when I smile. Not that I like to smile with these yellowed old things but you know, on occasion my lips do part (when the day is in black and white or sepia). So I’ve just about gotten used to my big, two molar-sized gap back there on the right and I’m brushing, flossing and waterpiking RELIGIOUSLY. My gum starts to hurt so I figure old gramps just needs to give the technology a rest and let his gums recover from the abuse before getting right back to it. Cue a two day break from electric toothbrushing.

Day two and it’s not any better so I shove my big ol’ finger in there to see if there’s anything bumpy or bleedy. Not bleeding but it feels … hard. What’s that about? A new tooth!?!? DARE I HOPE?? Here, boyfriend with unwashed hands, c’mere and stick your finger in my mouth…. Does this feel kind of hard and rare to you? He was less optimistic. It’s just hard because it’s hard. Maybe bone, he said. Bone and gum, he concluded. Silly, silly boy. Day in, day out, we discuss how I’m always right. Has he learned nothing?

About a week later, I’m sitting there, tonguein’ my gums to pass the time when I feel a protrusion. God, what a word! Especially when referring to empty spaces where teeth used to be. Get in here and stick your unwashed finger in my mouth!!!! Yeah, there’s definitely something there, he agreed. You bet your cutey patootie there’s something there!

Now, I’m not blinded with joy here. I worried for a suitable amount of time that this was one of them FREAK extra teeth that would come in all sideways. Even wisdom teeth do that a lot of the time. What would I do? Who would fix me here, in a land with no nice dentists! I put those worries on ice and told myself not to worry until something bad started to happen. I mean, it’s not like there wasn’t enough room back there for shit to happen uninterrupted. I don’t even have my wisdom teeth yet; some people with all their teeth have enough room to keep those!

Today I took a fresh look with my legoman flashlight and a make up mirror. Things are coming along nicely. Minimal pain and only where new pieces are just about to break through. The edges of the teeth are starting to come in now and it all look like one great, big, happy, biological mystery.

So back to that royalty thing! While I was googling hyperdontia, extra teeth and third sets of teeth I came across a few mentions of extra/third sets signifying royalty! I know some of you are thinking royalty? Extra bits? Incest! But don’t you see? All my dreams are coming truuue!

I’M A REAL LIFE PRINCESS!!!!!!!